Ritual - A Pathway to Meaning
For several years now I have led an annual grief ritual as it was taught to me by Sobonfu Somé, Dagara teacher and wise woman from Burkina Faso. A couple of years ago, my mother expressed her confusion about the use of the word “ritual”. She said she had a negative reaction to the word ritual but had difficulty explaining why. When I showed curiosity, and stifled any childlike defensiveness, I was able to hear from her that somewhere in her Protestant upbringing, the word ritual had become associated with something dark and even demonic. At this same time, I was writing my capstone paper for my master’s degree in counseling. I had been reading academic papers on the importance of ritual to culture. I had also been reading about potential of ritual for alleviating symptoms of anxiety and depression. For as long as we can look back there is archeological evidence of ritual and ceremony among the first Homo Sapiens and likely Neanderthal populations. And we don’t need science to confirm that surviving intact indigenous groups around the globe continue to conduct rituals and ceremonies handed down for as long as they have existed - in some cases thousands of years.
How then could a practice so integral to being human, be shaped into something frightening and dangerous for my mom. Was that because of her aversion to the church? Or because the church had convinced her of the darkness in ritual? Perhaps the more potent question is why? In my way of accepting things as they are rather than getting terribly distracted by why, I leave the understanding of why ritual was painted as dangerous to others. I have my own presumptions, and choose to focus on what ritual is and why it might have been important to every culture across all time. L. Nilsson Stutz and A.J. Stutz, in their article, Deeply Human Archaeological Traces of Rituals for Copingwith Death, Adversity, and Trauma, posit “What ritual does, then, is shape emotional associations with transformative awareness of being part of a greater order. Yet this order is culturally constructed, often in remarkable detail.”
Let me take a step back and explore the most basic definition of ritual. Miriam Webster dictionary defines ritual (noun) as:
1: the established form for a ceremony specifically : the order of words prescribed for a religious ceremony
2a: ritual observance specifically : a system of rites
b: a ceremonial act or action
c: an act or series of acts regularly repeated in a set precise manner
Researchers in the fields of psychology and anthropology give more shape to this most basic definition. Wyrostok (1995) describes ritual as a structured activity, characterized by public witness, relatedness/social bonding, and symbolism. Brooks, et al., call ritual “A pre-defined sequence of symbolic actions often characterized by formality and repetition that lacks direct instrumental purpose” (2016). Porges offers that “the function of rituals may be more closely related to health and personal subjective feelings of connectedness to others” (2022). My own working definition for the question of “what is ritual” is something like this:
Structured activity with a distinct beginning, middle and end in the context of…
Public witness and collective action using…
Symbolic gestures associated with specific meaning and includes…
Shared experience of music, vocalization and/or movement.
If you have ever planned a wedding or funeral, you know the questions arise: What music will we have? Will there be a parent-child dance? Who will perform the sacred part? We partake in ritual to mark and give shared meaning to a moment in life. We use that ritual as a reference point for shared memory. We step out of our individual experience box and into a shared experience box in which the structure of the event gives structure to how things are remembered by each person individually and all participants as a group. This structure then is the “ritual” within the “ceremony”.
I won’t ever know if my conversation with my mom explaining some of these things helped her to feel less afraid of the Grief Ritual, but I do know I was blessed by her coming and participating in a Grief Ritual two years before she passed away. Perhaps she had a glimpse of the power of ritual to help us step out of ordinary experience and tap into a larger sense of self and connection with others. Why ritual has been relegated to only specific life milestones or religious activities is something I leave you to speculate on. Regardless of why, it is clear that ritual is supportive to our emotional, psychological and social needs.
In my work with individuals and couples, the word ritual comes up often. John and Julie Gottman speak about the importance of rituals of connection for the health of committed relationships. For individuals, establishing rituals for taking care of their social and emotional needs can be a significant game-changer. And I continue my commitment to creating space for communal grieving through the offering of a Grief Ritual.